A young boy refused to do his homework, and his father was trying to convince
him to do it. He said to his son: "When Abe Lincoln was your age,
he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

The son replied: "Well, when Lincoln was your age, he was President!"

Did you hear about the schoolgirl who was so excited about a book she found in the library called How to Hug?
It turned out to be volume eight of an encyclopedia.

Why did the sparrow fly into the library?
It was looking for bookworms.

A frog walked into a library and asked the librarian what he would recommend.
" How about this sir?" asked the librarian, showing him Toad of Toad Hall.
" Reddit, reddit," said the frog.

An eight year girl is trying to check out a book entitled
" Advice for Young Mothers" from the local library.

Librarian: Now why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?

Little girl: I collect moths.

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered."
" I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered."
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable."

What's another word for thesaurus?

A kindergarten teacher asked the children just before she escorted them to the library, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in the Library?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Q. What did the detective do when he didn't believe the librarian's story?
A. He booked her!

Q. When a goose goes to the library, what books does she look for?
A. Peoplebumps books!

Q. If you travel to Eastern Europe, why won't you find any books in Prague's public library?
A. They're all "Czech"ed out!

Q. What building has the most stories?
A. The library, of course!

Q. If a student goes to a seven-story library and checks out seven books, how many are left?
A. None. The library had only seven stories!

Q. Where does a librarian sleep?
A. Between the covers.

Jim said, "My dog tried to eat my library book."
" What did you do?" asked the librarian.
" I took the words right out of his mouth."

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

What do you call a person whose library books are overdue?
A Bookkeeper.

Fire Destroys Bush Presidential Library
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.
Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.